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What is KFAD?*DJ Professor K is chilling outside the Gaylord enjoying a large strawberry fruit smoothie. He’s listening to bangers on his ol’ pair of headphones, bopping his head to the music.*
Bum ch-bum – bum – bum…
Well look who it is! Sup, bear.
…
…everything cool with you?
…Somethin’ on your mind? Spill the beans.
Upupup…
Share, bear. What’s up?
…
This some kind of starin’ contest? This ol’ geezer don’t have what it takes for those kinds of games no more- Don’t gots the eyes for it.
Y’know, K, I must admit. You’re pretty interesting…
Is that so?
Mmmmmmhmn.
This got somethin’ to do about that case you tryin’ to solve on that British fellow? Am I a suspect now?
How is that goin’, anyway? You find out whodunnit?
That’s a question for Nickie- Of course I know whodunnit, phuhuhu~
Right…
…You really gots a large group of supporters out there rootin’ for ya. Lotta folks dig your style.
You’re goin’ up against Weird Al Yankovich next, right? Sounds like a tough battle. That guy has style. Really somthin’ to be reckoned with. But you gots something real special goin’ for you with your mystery angle n’ them funky fresh beats. You’ll do just fine. I think ya have what it takes.
…This.
Hm?
This is why you’re so interesting…
Now is that so?
…it’s almost infuriating that I can’t–
Oh? What’re you on about?
…
Well, I got my guesses. Sorry if I’m messing up your groove. I “hope” you don’t mind, heh.
…Don’t underestimate me bear. I know your shtick. I’ve played your games. I know what kind of rhythm you’re swingin’ to.
…
I see you got a problem with how I roll, but brother you’re gonna have to deal. Because spreadin’ the love is just how I do things. If you wanna go and spread despair ain’t nothin’ I can do to stop that. But we’re gonna have a problem if you’re gonna try and be spreading any of that nonsense here.
…phuhuhuhu…. upupupupupup…
What’s so funny?
It’s not going to work, Professor.
What you talkin about?
You can’t stop it.
What the hell you talkin’ about?
Despair…! Despair!
What about it?
Phuhuhuhu….Thirty-one contestants are going to lose.. no shot at the crown, even after coming oh-so far…
Oh come on, you know I don’t care about that kind of shit.
WRONG!
Excuse me?
WRONG wrong WRONG wrong WROOOOOOONNGG!
What the hell you gettin’ at?
Why do YOU want to win this tournament, Mr. K?
That’s Professor K to you, bear.
Oooo! I know!! Let’s figure it out together. Let’s see…how long ago was it that Jet Set Whatever was released?
Don’t you start talkin’ trash about the radio.
Hmmm… ah yes… the turn of the new millennia! 2000! And let’s see here, Jet Set Whatever Future? Two years later? 2002? So how long ago is that… seventeen years?
Yeah, I’m kinda old, and?
So let’s have a look at the history books. The glorious King for a Day Tournament, Numero Uno! Sixteen contestants, all fighting for a chance at the crown, and among them is our very own beloved DJ Professor K, here to win the hearts of everyone…a new chance at relevancy after a lonesome seventeen years!
Hmph, You’re pushin’ my limit, bear.
But- hark! Tragedy falls! How does the adored DJ lose in the very first round?? No support at all!
You don’t have much time left! You’re old, old, old! Soon you’ll be dead, dead, dead! That means this tournament is the last chance at relevancy you’ll ever have… Isn’t that so depressing…?
It’s the music that drives me, bear, not the views.
But how does the wonderful DJ spread his love if no one is there to listen? Radio is a technology of the past, chump. And it’s dying fast! Just. like. You!
And I’ll be making beats till I die. So what? My music will live on even though I won’t.
But that’s not how it works now, is it? You especially should know that times change. Trends shift. What was hip yesterday is thrown into the garbage! This tournament is the end of the line for you. If you don’t get your chance now you’ll just be beating away by yourself waiting to die!
What point you tryin’ to make. I interest you because I don’t need no crown to be happy?
Wrong again Professor! You interest me because you’re the only one here that’s just like me.
…What the hell you sayin’?
It’s rather simple really. All these motivational pep talks you’re giving? You’re not doing it for them. You just get off on it! You get off on spreading Hope, juuuust like I get off on spreading Despair! And it almost makes me angry at your missed potential for despair… It’s a shame they didn’t try and team us up. We would have been a real hit!
Fuck you.
But sorry, the spot’s taken! Even if I could use someone like you more… Sadly, Nickie only entertains me with his struggles. You, however, have the drive and the reach, phuhuhu…
It’s gettin’ cold out here, I’m headin’ back in.
Aw, leaving so soon? I haven’t even shot my blank yet…
I need to prepare for my battle against the doctor.
Arggg, such gusto! You go get ‘em!
Mark my words: If fate has it that we go head to head in the final round, I can promise you exactly how it’s gonna to go.
Oh? And just how is that~?
You gonna wish you were never born, bear.