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What is KFAD?helo u2b 2day im snoopingas usual on john notwoodman bc hes in a secret interrigation,, its some theif dud3 whos ben litterin cards all over da place or smth
cool, looks lik i dint miss the- WOA iz that neil cicierega???(oops sorrie cant be 2 loud im undrcover))
Well, it seems to be you have some explaining to do, Mr. Cicierega. One of our contestants have been telling us that you’ve been leaving these so called “Calling Cards” all over the place. Given what I’ve been told, they seem like bad news for the tournament and that’s not nice. >:3[
So, do you care to explain?
…
Please, make this easy on yourself. Don’t make me pull out the video…
…
(aw h*ck i can’t see da video,,, i wanna knoe what it iz)
I didn’t want to have to do this.
(omg neil noo not that v1deo :c)
NO! NOOO! ANYTHING BUT THAT! I’LL TELL YOU EVERYTHING, JUST DON’T PLAY IT AGAIN!
Very nice. >:3]
Alright… So, you might know me as Neil Cicierega. I’m somewhat of a prolific internet content creator, and under any other circumstances, that’d probably be that for an explanation. But due to some uh, “strange occurrences”, I’m now known as Allstar – a Phantom Thief of Hearts.
(also u r teh inv3ntor of mashups)
Phantom Thieves? I feel like I’ve heard that before from one of our contestants…
You’re probably thinking of those shadows I negotiated with. They agreed to spread the word about me in exchange for “shiny coin on cat head”. Pretty sure that thing doesn’t come off that guy’s head, so I just gave them some cardboard I spray-painted gold and it seemed to satisfy them.
Shadows? Shiny coin? What on earth are you talking about??
(is he talking abt teh incident at teh studio?)
I mean, hey, gotta get my name out there somehow! These calling cards won’t work unless they mean something anyways. But I’ll tell you more about that later, back to the point. Using my unique abilities, I’m able to enter the hearts of corrupt individuals and make them confess their crimes with their own mouths…
(dat b som real mouth moodz)
W-what crimes?! I can’t make a lick of sense about anything you’re talking about!
You heard me right the first time. Like I said, the only ones I’m after are those who’ve let their distorted desires overtake them. I’m the only one who can take them down a peg! The power I have isn’t without its limitations though. The only way to be sure that I’m even able to change somebody’s heart is, well, to send them a calling card! Due to the nature of my ability, the only option I have is to directly tell someone that their distorted desires are something that can be taken from them. Once they’re aware of that, the treasure is mine for the taking!
(wht tr3sure is he tak1ng?)
Well, that is quite a lot to take in. However, I still fail to understand the point of this. Are you trying to imply that there is a corrupt individual somewhere here?
Well, there’s a few in this place, but this one guy in particular is the worst of the worst. I wouldn’t be doing my job if I just let him run free, you know? The contestants up to this point have just been a way to get my name out there anyways, since even just a calling card wasn’t enough to make him see me as a threat. Oh yeah, this guy’s name is SiIvaGunner, by the way.
Wait, what?! You can’t be trying to suggest that the one and only SiIvaGunner is corrupt now, are you?
(wht teh h*ck neil)
Well, it doesn’t really matter whether or not you believe me, this whole “interrogation” was more of a publicity stunt anyways. I got places to be and people to impress.
TIME FOR SOME BUSTIN! BUSTIN! BUSTIN!
Feel good! Feel good! Feel good!
Oh, what’s up nerds.
What in the…
(!!! wh4t)
Hmph. I can’t let a trouble maker go tormenting any of my contestants. If you think you’re getting out that easy…
…You gotta get through me, punk!
(o no, thos l3afs r rlly sharp,, i gotta halp neil!!1)
Ow! What was that?!
LET’S SMASH THEM UP!
woa. gj neil u beet him up!!!!!
Aight, this place smells like updog. Can we go and do something not boring now, for at least 10 minutes?
Looks like we’ll be making our escape now. See ya ‘round!
bai neil,, com back 1 daye i wanne intervuew u
jon r u ok uve been grapsing ur leg and saying ow for the past 4 minuts
I-I think I’ll be fine HyperCam… I just need to– Hold on… HyperCam have you been recording all of this?
no lol